mad scientist girl

so I'm getting shit done today... you know.. adult type stuff. I got my registration date for my fall semester, so I diligently checked whether there are any issues with my registration and of course one of my classes says I don't have the pre-reqs because of the way they put my credits in the system. As well, the lab course only has 5 spots available and so of course it's already full. The adult thing I've done: email the department well before I have to register so that the issues can be resolved. I started my student loan application, but this year the bf and I are technically considered to be common-law married ... so I have to get a new form that he has to fill out and submit before I submit my application. They want to make sure that he isn't making enough money to support both our living AND paying for me to go to school. The adult thing I've done: print out the form and get it filled out and mailed by the end of the week so I can submit my applic...

everyone is posting about their registration dates for fall semester.... they are all happy and excited. I haven't gotten my date yet. I haven't even been contacted regarding my promotion to 3rd year. Apparently they are still deciding. Even though I had a 75% average this past term.. and a 77% average the term before that. It makes me want to scream! I had ONE bad term where I failed a course and I feel like it's haunting me and following me around. Just like my mothers passing... I feel like demons are just constantly trailing behind me. and I just went through my credits and it seems like I'm missing like 5 300+ level credits... wtf dude. It's effing impossible to get 300+ level electives because most have pre-reqs that are 100 or 200 level. So I might be in school for one more term. fml

according to webMD.... I might be dying. I'm on two weeks straight with basically the same headache. I'm starting to wonder what it feels like to be normal. Although I was never really normal. Who wants to be normal anyway? Normal is boring. this is my last week of a full week of classes... then it's just Mondays until I find out if I'm working for the rest of the summer. If not, then I must go out and find a big girl job... but if I DO work the rest of the summer. Well then, *happy dance* if only all our happy dances were like this speaking of happy dances... I'm jamming to THIS awesome summer song.. can't get enough. it's awesomesauce. On a different note, I miss school... how fucking sad is that? I'm actually looking forward to being back in school in the fall. I think it's just cuz it keeps me busy. I like using my brain... keeps me going. Right now I have FAR too much time on my hands. I'm trying to finish the 5th book in the Game o...

why is it that every time I write the phrase, "teeny tiny" I think of this song? BEWARE - this song is NSFW!!! Anyhow, now that's over. Update on me! I'm done with classes now and I have 1 more final (on the 24th) and I'm DONE for the semester. I'm always a little conflicted at the end of a term. As much as being in school is hard and frustrating and time consuming, I love it too. I love the atmosphere of learning and thinking. I love being presented with new ideas and concepts. Basically I just love using my brain. (yes, confirming again I really am a nerd) Regardless, it's almost over and since they don't offer any chemistry classes in the summer, I'm stuck with the task of finding something to do with my summer. Likely something that makes me $$ so I can afford to eat. (always a plus) thankfully, I have already lined up one summer job with a company called Mad Science where I am an instructor doing after school programs for elementary ...

this week’s labs... fucking LOVE Mr. Bean oh goodness.. what can I say. It was a bad week, and continues to be a bad week cuz I have a midterm tomorrow that I don't feel at ALL prepared for!  Tuesdays lab ... organic... last week’s lab consisted of just stirring for over an hour .. and then a liquid-liquid separation... everything seemed to go just fine. THIS week.... not so much. The first part we had to gravity filter the drying agent and then rotary-evaporate the solvent out ...which is basically is just putting your flask onto a machine that spins it in a water bath and the solvent boils off.... wanna buy one? but of course.. the one I used wasn’t on and so the bath had to warm up.. taking (what felt like) forever. Then when it finally started to boil, of course I walked away and by the time I returned it was a goey boiling mess! *slaps forehead* BUT.. it’s ok, can be salvaged... let it cool and prepare the reagents for crystallization... ethanol and petro...

for once, I’m grateful it’s NOT Friday.. and that’s because I’m on reading break. Friday means it’s almost over... and I’m not ready for it to be over. I was laying in bed this morning, enjoying the serenity of quiet and wonderfulness... realizing that next week I’d be back to getting up at 5am and spending 5 hours a day on transit... dealing with labs, lab reports, homework and exams. I love it, and I hate it. I think that’s the general mantra of all students. Yesterday I went on a tour of an analytical lab that I could potentially work at.. it’s energizing, people... the work I could be doing... I’m SO excited.. like for reals excited. Like a job where I could actually ENJOY going to work every day. I’m sure this is what people are supposed to feel like when they go to college. This is what the world is supposed to be like. and yet.... I still can’t help but wonder if I’m going to be able to “have it all” .. I won’t graduate for 2 more years.... by then I’ll be 34 (go...

so I guess you're wondering what I've been up to lately? NO? well.. I’m going to tell you anyway. this is ALL I was doing.. I swear. ok no... I’ve actually been BUSY! My 2nd term started at school... and I’m taking 3 chemistry courses.. all chem electives.. as well as a laboratory course. The lab is probably the most work because there are 2 labs every week (for four hours each) and the lab reports are due one week later. So my weekends have been spent doing my labs.. and that’s basically it. I did take SOME time off to hang with friends and watch the Superbowl... (I must admit even though I hate Beyonce, she rocked the show).. and do SOME fun stuff with friends. I think life needs a balance.. so I’m trying really hard to not feel guilty about not doing hw to be social... it’s a work in progress. So anyhow... I’ve been busy busy... but it feels SO good to be back in classes again. I really did miss it last term when I was off. I didn’t miss studying though... lol. Wh...

so I'm an asshole. why you ask? because I haven't fucking blogged in ... well.. i can't even fucking remember how long. It's really not my fault though. I'm working 6 days a week... and M-F I usually work 10+ hour days. When Sunday rolls around I don't even wanna turn on my fucking computer... let alone sit for 10 minutes and write some shit down. Hopefully though.. in a week or so I'll be done work and I'll be off til January and then back in school where I'll have about the same amount of free time. BUT... I can procrastinate homework by blogging... plus as @OhNoaG and @JenReinmuth knows... Undergrads make for fucking blog fodder gold. (fuck those wanks) Anyhow.. .that's really all that's been up with me. It's my birthday in a week (literally) and I can't believe how much has happened in a year. Though it feels like I'm not really in a better place than I was last year... that could be because I stopped taking my meds...

so I'm a bad person.... a really, really bad person. I haven't blogged in... I don't even know how long. It's NOT my fault though. I'm back at work and I'm fucking EXHAUSTED. Working is serious bizness people, for reals. As well, the job I'm working at requires a lot of overtime ... it's not paid extra overtime, just regular time, but extra $$ nonetheless. Today I worked from 7:30am to 9pm.... that`s a long ass fucking day people. .. and what am I doing you ask? (or maybe you didn't but I'm going to fucking tell you anyway) I'm working at a photography studio that does school photo's.... and I'm a jack of all trades there.. I do editing, computer work, photo proofs, packaging, shipping, organizing..... it's fun seeing all the adorable kids pictures... and sometimes laughing at the weird fucking names that parents give their kids... like seriously people... do you WANT your kid to be made fun of? Was that your GOAL when you named...

I blogged about my good and bad news a couple weeks ago ... and now, with only a week and a half left until school starts... I really need to seriously think about what I'm going to do. As of yet, the bf has no serious job prospects ... and I have a few. I have one that I'd REALLY like to do ... which I did a couple years ago... working at a photo lab that does school photo's. It's temporary... I only work from Sept until Dec... I can wear jeans n stuff to work... AND I can work as many hours as I'd like.. which means for those three months I can make some good money. This will work out in a few ways... because not only will we be able to afford to live .... I might also be able to save up some $$ for school... which is always helpful. The downside is .. of course.. that I'll be taking a semester off school... which puts of my graduation date even further.... I feel like I've been going to school FOREVER.. and I've been putting off having a baby unti...

My summer term is FINALLY over! Now I can stop driving you all crazy with random tweets about organic chemistry and the excessive amount of negative energy I put out there before and after every midterm. I have massive self doubt, and even when I'm sure I know the material and have done a good job, I still don't believe I got a good grade. Part of it is because of my test anxiety, as I've NEVER scored well on tests before.  This term I don't expect to get the A- that I achieved for the first term, but I'm happy as long as I pass. Which I'm almost certain that I did. (did you catch that almost, there's my self doubt) On the heels of my great news, comes some sad news too. The bf has lost his job. Since he was the sole supporter of the family while I was in school, I don't know that I'll be able to attend full time classes this fall unless he finds a new job. Therefore, I've taken some precautionary measures. I've emailed regarding defer...

just keep studying, studying, studying.... (sorry... channeling Dora from Finding Nemo)... obviously I'm starting to lose my mind (if you can't tell) I blame the ochem.... seriously. I'm so fucking done. Two more weeks and I have: -a midterm -a prelab -a 2pt lab -a lab report -an assignment -a final all in TWO WEEKS! *faints* I`ve done up summary sheets for the 3 chapters that we`ve studied the past 2 weeks.... (correction: I have 3 more rxns to be done) .... but it`s up to 6 pages DOUBLE SIDED.... all of which I have to KNOW by Thursday. yeah.. so not gonna happen. fuck balls. I`m hitting a real low... because I know my grade isn`t going to be as good for this term as it was for last term (A- in case you forgot)... but so far I`m at a 70% in the lab (30% of grade), 80% on the first midterm and 50% on the second midterm (both are worth 10% each of the total grade).... I have one more midterm worth 10%, an assignment worth 5% and a final worth 30%......

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I can breathe again!  ..well I guess technically I could always breathe, cuz if I didn't.. I'd be all dead n stuff.. Anyhow... thanks to the amazing advice of yougotsars .... I'm feeling SO much better today... and ready to study my ladyballs off for the rest of the term so that I can kick ass on the 3rd midterm and the final.... and get a good grade in Ochem II ... then I can lay back and be a lazy bastard for the rest of the summer! I think that sounds like a plan, don't you? *happy dance* SO what have the rest of you been doing this summer? DO share.. I need to live vicariously through you cuz I've spent my summer with my nose in my textbook. Anyhow... hope whatever you're doing you're having a good time. xoxo!

so I'm now on day 5 of a headache... it was a migraine over the weekend... it's not now, it's just a headache.. but it still fucking hurts! I've taken what the doctor recommended... 2 extra strength tylenol and 2 extra strength advil... hasn't really done anything. Is it too much to ask to go just ONE FUCKING DAY without pain? it's even affecting my school ... I can't study cuz I always have a headache. Thankfully I have only three and a half weeks left until this term is over. I don't even care how well I do in this course anymore.... I'm fucking done. I just wanna pass and be done with it. Cheers all!

I'm just so tired of fighting... it feels like every step in my life has been uphill. I just found out today that they aren't promoting me to 3rd year status because two of the classes I did in my term 1, were below 60% and I need to have completed 60% of my classes with a 60% standing. If they need a 60% standing, then why don't they make the passing grade 60%? That makes sense, don't you think? My term 1 was just a hellstorm.... most of you know cuz you were right here with me.. I was dealing with my mums suicide (still) ... and all the conditions I had before (anxiety, depression) were amplified because of my her passing as well as all the new stress I was under from school and life... It caused me to be physically ill before every test I took that term... and partly due to that is why I failed Ochem (which is why I'm taking it again this summer).. and why my other two classes that term are below 60% ... according to the doctor what I have is considered a dis...

Some people might say I’m crazy.... well... crazy is as crazy does.. or something like that. I’m starting to discover.. (or possibly I’ve known this all along).. that I’m NOT crazy... I’m normal.. it’s everyone else who is batshit insane. How do I know this? Well...... first off.. there are more of “us” than there are of “them” ..(and if you need proof I made a very scientific chart to show you) if you weren’t acting a bit odd after some life-altering moments... well then.. there might be something wrong with you. If you don’t find humor in the crazy occasionally ... there might be something wrong with you. Those are just a few of the reasons.. I quite often share with others that I’m crazy... but it’s ok cuz it’s normal to be crazy. I have noticed, however, that there are far more women toting the “crazy” than men.... and I’m not sure what that’s about .. either women are driven to levels of insanity due to the crazy things that men do to us... which is a complete...

so I’m looking through my course list and categorizing all the classes I need to take for my degree.... I’ve colour coded it... put it into a table... listed the number of credits... for every term for the next two years (or more) what I completely forgot is that for a degree you need 48 of your total credits to be 300/400 level classes... which I have.. but only if I take extra classes every term OR if I take an extra year of school... now I’m conflicted.. I really just want to be done.. I’ve been in school for what seems like forever... in reality it’s only been 3 years at community college, 1 quarter at UW, and 1 year at UBC... but there was a lot of “in between” time... where I wasn’t in school (though looking back I should have been)... but I was living life and whatnot. I should have been done ages ago but because of these decisions I’ve made the past 5 years.. I’m not. It hurts my soul to think that almost every decision I’ve made over the past 5 years has been wrong. Hell...

when all else fails.... make 'em laugh. since I have absolutely no sense of humor lately.... the bf and I have both been sick for days.. ... I have impending finals. ...our house looks like a homeless shelter.... due to the sick. sooooo... I'm relying on the internet to make you laugh today. Don't give me a hard time... I deserve a break every now and then. I bring you.... Funny Internet Video's Vol. 2: My first video is brought to you by ...well I don't know.. but it makes me laugh every time I watch it.. The second video is something that I could totally see our ferrets doing... which makes me nervous to ever have children... not that I wasn't already neurotic enough about the subject. This video is from an amazing artist ... or something like that... either way it's hilarious. The fourth video is for all the cat lovers and owners out there... if this doesn't make you laugh... well.. you just might not have a soul. Don...

maybe it’s the fact that I have a midterm tomorrow which requires me to know an entire page full of formula’s, laws, derivations, and equations…. or maybe it’s because this week’s (or last week's, or this week's? .. I'm so confused) Spreadable Cheese from Cheesy Bloggers is about memory. I don’t know why …or how ..or when it started, but my memory has more holes than swiss cheese. For reals… I can remember things that happened in elementary and high school but ask me what I did last Tuesday.. and I have to think about it for a minute. I don’t think that’s normal. Though it’s becoming ever more clear to me that “normal” isn’t even normal and no one is really, truly normal… and really… who WANTS to be normal… that’s boring.. and if I’m one thing… I’m anything BUT boring! I could relate my memory problems to the multiple times I’ve had a concussion (self-inflicted of course.. from the person who trips on flat surfaces) Or possibly the time that I d...

I’m a horrible blogger…. Don’t argue, it’s true. I forget to blog for weeks on end, and then when I do, it’s not always entertaining.   Like this one… it’s mostly just an update, so if you’re not interested in reading about my life, you might as well move on now. Please don’t. But seriously…. My life is hectic right now. I’ve been spending a good portion of my time studying for my physical chemistry midterm on Tuesday night. Though the good thing is that I seem to be feeling fairly confident at this point. The only thing that sucks is that I also have a creative writing assignment due the same day, a midterm on Thursday and then a lab report and tutorial assignment due Friday. ACK! (excuse me a minute while I faint) Some good news is … since I’ve been on medication.. my stress, depression and anxiety have been getting a little better. I still have days where the crazy doesn’t let me leave the house, but I’m not sure yet if that’s normal or not. ...