mad scientist girl

everyone is posting about their registration dates for fall semester.... they are all happy and excited. I haven't gotten my date yet. I haven't even been contacted regarding my promotion to 3rd year. Apparently they are still deciding. Even though I had a 75% average this past term.. and a 77% average the term before that. It makes me want to scream! I had ONE bad term where I failed a course and I feel like it's haunting me and following me around. Just like my mothers passing... I feel like demons are just constantly trailing behind me. and I just went through my credits and it seems like I'm missing like 5 300+ level credits... wtf dude. It's effing impossible to get 300+ level electives because most have pre-reqs that are 100 or 200 level. So I might be in school for one more term. fml

for once, I’m grateful it’s NOT Friday.. and that’s because I’m on reading break. Friday means it’s almost over... and I’m not ready for it to be over. I was laying in bed this morning, enjoying the serenity of quiet and wonderfulness... realizing that next week I’d be back to getting up at 5am and spending 5 hours a day on transit... dealing with labs, lab reports, homework and exams. I love it, and I hate it. I think that’s the general mantra of all students. Yesterday I went on a tour of an analytical lab that I could potentially work at.. it’s energizing, people... the work I could be doing... I’m SO excited.. like for reals excited. Like a job where I could actually ENJOY going to work every day. I’m sure this is what people are supposed to feel like when they go to college. This is what the world is supposed to be like. and yet.... I still can’t help but wonder if I’m going to be able to “have it all” .. I won’t graduate for 2 more years.... by then I’ll be 34 (go...

I'm just so tired of fighting... it feels like every step in my life has been uphill. I just found out today that they aren't promoting me to 3rd year status because two of the classes I did in my term 1, were below 60% and I need to have completed 60% of my classes with a 60% standing. If they need a 60% standing, then why don't they make the passing grade 60%? That makes sense, don't you think? My term 1 was just a hellstorm.... most of you know cuz you were right here with me.. I was dealing with my mums suicide (still) ... and all the conditions I had before (anxiety, depression) were amplified because of my her passing as well as all the new stress I was under from school and life... It caused me to be physically ill before every test I took that term... and partly due to that is why I failed Ochem (which is why I'm taking it again this summer).. and why my other two classes that term are below 60% ... according to the doctor what I have is considered a dis...

so I’m looking through my course list and categorizing all the classes I need to take for my degree.... I’ve colour coded it... put it into a table... listed the number of credits... for every term for the next two years (or more) what I completely forgot is that for a degree you need 48 of your total credits to be 300/400 level classes... which I have.. but only if I take extra classes every term OR if I take an extra year of school... now I’m conflicted.. I really just want to be done.. I’ve been in school for what seems like forever... in reality it’s only been 3 years at community college, 1 quarter at UW, and 1 year at UBC... but there was a lot of “in between” time... where I wasn’t in school (though looking back I should have been)... but I was living life and whatnot. I should have been done ages ago but because of these decisions I’ve made the past 5 years.. I’m not. It hurts my soul to think that almost every decision I’ve made over the past 5 years has been wrong. Hell...