mad scientist girl

...is finally not bothering me anymore, now that my head isn't hurting nearly as bad as it did last night. As I was laying in bed last night, pulling the cold pillow down over my head because I felt like I was on fire and battling the urge to throw up... I didn't think it was ever going to end. I would have given the world for just a minute of reprise from the pain. I really fucking hate migraines. I don't know who of you out there get migraines.... but I get them on a semi-regular basis. They are the worst kind of pain I've ever had.. and I've had 2 major surgeries and 2 minor ones before the age of 20. you try to distract yourself from the pain.... and maybe fore 30s you do... but then it will ALWAYS come back in full force blinding pain. You just want to curl up in a ball and cry, but crying only makes it worse. Last night I also had a bad bout of nausea to go along with my pounding head. Thankfully I didn't throw up because I'm not one of those pe...

a really bad day. since it's humpday again, I'm going to post more love/hate songs... cuz I really don't know what else to say that doesn't involve an insane amount of profanity. I either want to just sit in a corner and cry or scream profanities until I have no more voice. reason I love this song - cuz I know all the lyrics and it makes me feel gangsta when I sing it reason I hate this song - cuz I know all the lyrics and it makes me feel gangsta when I sing it reason I love this song - it's classic and it's awesome (and I know all the lyrics) reason I hate this song - I always want to "jump around" ..and when I'm in the car that means I hit my head on the roof of the car... every.damn.time. reason I love this song - it's Sublime and it's awesome (and it's a little dirty) reason I hate this song - I don't know all the Spanish parts even though I've been listening to this song for more than 10 years... and so I end u...

I was watching Sex and the City last night .. and it was the episode where Miranda's mother dies. I had to change the channel. I just couldn't watch it without tears coming to my eyes. Three years later, I can't watch any show where the parent dies without losing it. It makes me wonder if I have truly dealt with my mums death... I still get very upset when I think about it. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me. I really wanted to see someone about it, but I never did. not to mention my anxiety seems to be getting worse.. I've been debating on taking meds more often for it because just doing regular things makes me super anxious... like going outside. interacting with people. you know... stuff like that. BAH! I don't know what to do.

today is Memorial Day.... and even though I wasn't born an American, my mum was. She brought us up on all the holidays and traditions of the US so I feel like it's my home too. So even though I don't get a day off for it... I still recognize Memorial Day. It's a day to remember our soldiers and what they do for our country. I may not agree with the war, the reasons why we're there or how much $$ is spent on "keeping us safe" ... but that doesn't change the fact that every day soldiers get up and go to work like the rest of us... but instead of dealing with rush hour traffic and other such bullshit.. they are dealing with stuff that could possibly risk the safety of their lives. All the while their wives sit at home staying strong for their kids and family. Whether you agree with the what they do or not.. they still deserve your respect. That is a fact. so today on this Memorial Day... please take a moment to remember why you get an extra day off work...

well, ok, it's not .... it's the Skagit River Bridge , and only part of it collapsed. Apparently by the fault of a Canadian trucker. Oops. You can't trust those inland people, I've been saying this for years.. ;) I had the WEIRDEST dream about the bridge ... they were using some old bridge that they hadn't used in years until they could fix it. Why in gods name would I dream about a bridge? There was a lot of other weird dreams last night. One combined minecraft, some old friends of mine and some annoying kids; this one is the most bizarre because we were IN a minecraft world where everything was blocks except us. There was a part where I had to take a bus through Seattle but I got lost at night and was running away from thugs. Of these series of dreams last night ... one was more bizarre than the last. I'm still sitting here kind of dazed. It's Friday today ... and I have no work and nothing else planned. I quite possibly might not get out of my pj's ...

(the title is derived from lyrics in this song by one of my favorite artists of all time) so this morning I got up and read a post by @doitalone titled “A woman with ink is an easy lay compared to her clean-skinned counterpart.” and I was instantly enraged. Though I knew she had tats herself, so I figured she must be referencing the opinion of someone else.. and she was... this douchenozzle . While I understand his right to his opinion.. and I completely understand that some men simply do not find tats attractive... he's wrong on so many levels. NOT all men find tats gross or assume that women who have them are easier in bed. I think a part of the argument that he is missing is that more than half of the population of the industrialized world has tattoo's ... and a lot of developing nations as well (just in a different way). People with tats or piercings are the norm now... NOT the other way around. Girls who don't have tattoo's ... might be less "easy"...

happy Wednesday everyone.... gotta love long weekends and it's Wednesday already... except that Wednesday is my "hard" day... so I always stress out a bit leading up to my class. Thankfully last night I was able to go to a coffee house and just read for like 4 straight hours undisturbed. If that sounds like heaven to you... it was. Ahhhh.... *remembering* Moving on... I used to love the term "humpday" ... but as I get older, it kind of just drives me nuts. Yet I still love it... it's one of those strange things in life. I don't know about the rest of you, but one of the ways I de-stress is with music.. keeping with the "theme" of this blog so far.. I'm going to share songs that I love, but hate. These are songs that I try not to listen to when I'm driving with the windows down, because I'm slightly embarrassed that I listen to them. The reasons I love them range from a particular line in the song, a beat that is strangely addicting....

one job ... that's all I have thus far. While on the surface, working four days a week for an hour seems like something out of fairy tales... (and it is).. it also means I have no money whatsoever... being broke really fucking sucks, in case you weren't aware. my one job is going really great... so at least there is that. Also we got the house cleaned this past weekend .... actually took the ferret cage apart and power washed it... AND I power washed the back walkway and deck... I felt so grown up! Strangely... it was oddly relaxing. Anyone else experience this sense of calm and zen while power washing? (it might just be me) Sadly that's the only bit of calm and zen I've been feeling.... I'm in a bit of a depression rut right now... feeling like I keep getting knocked down no matter what I do.. and that every decision I made is wrong. I'm afraid to make any decision anymore because I'm worried I'm going to make the wrong one. That's really ho...