mad scientist girl

I know as children we make memories of times with our parents.. some of them are bad.. like the time  our parents spanked us .. but most of them are good. One particular memory is of my mum and I baking together... it didn't happen as much when I was a kid.. but rather as I grew older and could appreciate the need for chocolate. There was one particular recipe that my mum and I always defaulted to when we were both feeling low, and I can remember many nights sitting together waiting for our warm, gooey happiness to bake. It's called brownie pudding... for any of you who have never heard of it .. which is apparently a lot of you because whenever I've mentioned it, almost everyone gasps and immediately asks me what it is.. and why they hadn't heard of it before. Brownie Pudding is SUPER easy and takes relatively little ingredients which is why it's a good go-to when you're feeling like something warm and gooey but don't want to spend hours in the kitch...

I'm just so tired of fighting... it feels like every step in my life has been uphill. I just found out today that they aren't promoting me to 3rd year status because two of the classes I did in my term 1, were below 60% and I need to have completed 60% of my classes with a 60% standing. If they need a 60% standing, then why don't they make the passing grade 60%? That makes sense, don't you think? My term 1 was just a hellstorm.... most of you know cuz you were right here with me.. I was dealing with my mums suicide (still) ... and all the conditions I had before (anxiety, depression) were amplified because of my her passing as well as all the new stress I was under from school and life... It caused me to be physically ill before every test I took that term... and partly due to that is why I failed Ochem (which is why I'm taking it again this summer).. and why my other two classes that term are below 60% ... according to the doctor what I have is considered a dis...

Some people might say I’m crazy.... well... crazy is as crazy does.. or something like that. I’m starting to discover.. (or possibly I’ve known this all along).. that I’m NOT crazy... I’m normal.. it’s everyone else who is batshit insane. How do I know this? Well...... first off.. there are more of “us” than there are of “them” ..(and if you need proof I made a very scientific chart to show you) if you weren’t acting a bit odd after some life-altering moments... well then.. there might be something wrong with you. If you don’t find humor in the crazy occasionally ... there might be something wrong with you. Those are just a few of the reasons.. I quite often share with others that I’m crazy... but it’s ok cuz it’s normal to be crazy. I have noticed, however, that there are far more women toting the “crazy” than men.... and I’m not sure what that’s about .. either women are driven to levels of insanity due to the crazy things that men do to us... which is a complete...

so I’m looking through my course list and categorizing all the classes I need to take for my degree.... I’ve colour coded it... put it into a table... listed the number of credits... for every term for the next two years (or more) what I completely forgot is that for a degree you need 48 of your total credits to be 300/400 level classes... which I have.. but only if I take extra classes every term OR if I take an extra year of school... now I’m conflicted.. I really just want to be done.. I’ve been in school for what seems like forever... in reality it’s only been 3 years at community college, 1 quarter at UW, and 1 year at UBC... but there was a lot of “in between” time... where I wasn’t in school (though looking back I should have been)... but I was living life and whatnot. I should have been done ages ago but because of these decisions I’ve made the past 5 years.. I’m not. It hurts my soul to think that almost every decision I’ve made over the past 5 years has been wrong. Hell...