mad scientist girl

so I woke up this morning after a dream where I was shopping to go out that night .. and getting ready.... seems like a normal dream, nothing too strange.... until you add to the fact that my mum was in it... my mum who passed away just over a year ago... I don't know why subconscious brain wants to hurt me ... but every time I dream about my mum... I get depressed all over again. I've been kind of depressed lately... so much homework and stuff around the house and just genuine SHIT .. that I can't focus and can't seem to smile. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK COCK SHIT DICK WANK ASS TWATWAFFLE DOUCHE CANOE FUCK FUCK FUCK BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER!!!! I just wrote a whole fucking rant and something went awol and fucking LOST it all!!! I was going to post a nice happy Things I Love Fridays after my rant but now I'm so fucking pissed off, I don't think I can even manage that! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Ok so... that's enough for today.. cuz of all the things...

003 , a photo by jselizabeth on Flickr.

After reading SDL's blog post regarding perfection .. I had the urge to evaluate my life. Am I a victim of perfection? Of course I am. What are the things that I only acknowledge to myself............. I feel like a failure because I'm 30 years old and I haven't even completed my BSc.... there are multiple reasons/excuses for this behavior ... but regardless, I still feel like a failure. I wonder if I'll ever be a mom... I really want to be a mom but I keep putting off because I don't have any stability in my life and I'm in the middle of finishing school still... I know there is no good time but I'm sure going to school and using gov't money while not making any real $$ of my own probably isn't the best time... still doesn't stop my uterus from screaming for a baby every time I see a picture of a baby/a baby IRL/a video of a baby/baby clothes/etc. I don't feel like I'm smart enough to finish my desired college path... I've tak...

Picture 099 , a photo by jselizabeth on Flickr. Silent Sunday Blog Hope from For The Love Of Blogs

normally it's angry Thursday... but for some reason today I'm super frustrated! It starts off with the terrible dreams I had last night about chemistry.... organic molecules attacking you in your sleep is definitely not an equation for a rested night. Or maybe it is.. if you're a total freak. Which I'm not. So... I woke up with bags the size of ballsacks under my eyes. Part of it stems from the fact that I have my first actual lab today and I'm super nervous. It's been about five years since I've done a chemistry lab.. and I had forgotten about the stupid lab prep. They always want you to read the lab (or prelab) before the actual lab and then usually prepare your notebook accordingly. I don't know if any of you out there in blogland have done this .. but it sucks. Well... at least it does if you're anything like me. I read through the whole thing.. once, twice... THREE times.. but until I'm actually IN the lab doing the experiment it usually ...

my baloney has a first name... it's nomnomnomnomnom.... thanks SO much to Adios Mofo for sharing that picture! 20 minutes later and I'm still laughing like a retarded hyena... I don't know if there is such as thing as a retarded hyena.. but I guess if we believe Disney... I know I haven't posted in a LONG time... but I've been SUPER busy... hence the crazy. but it could be the copious amounts of chemistry I'm studying... I have organic chemistry, analytical chemistry and coordination chemistry. Then next term MORE organic chemistry and some physical chemistry and maybe some inorganic chemistry... just thrown in there for good measure... cuz I'm just an insanely masochistic and crazy person I love chemistry so much! I'm really loving school though... I forgot how much I missed being intellectually stimulated on a regular basis. Working as a receptionist doing grunt work really didn't do it for me... plus the shitty pay was .. well.. shitty. ...

and it's because it sucks big fat butt crack donkey balls. two days a week I have to get up at 530am to be on the bus to school at 6am..... to be AT school at 8am... damn horrible long transit times! anyhow... I'm home now and it's time for Thursday Tunes!  This weeks song is one that always seems to put me in a good mood. I was a child of the 80s but in the 90s is where the music really blossomed. I loved the grunge and the alternative music that came out of the time. Most people know who Nirvana is, but not all know of this song and it's one of my favorites by them... It's also in one of my favorite movies "Mad Love" with Drew Barrymore and Chris O'Donnell... I must have watched it a zillion times when I was a teenager. To this day, I still love it! Even if you're not a huge grunge fan or a huge Nirvana fan... I still think you could appreciate this song. If not, well then... go fuck yourself. NO.. I'm just kidding... I'm not th...

I really enjoy stat holidays.. actually, I don't really know anyone who doesn't enjoy an extra day off. Maybe workaholics, but they're assholes anyway. I've had a really good weekend so far, and I look forward to what today will bring. I've read my first kindle book, relaxed, ate junk food.. oh and got some good stuff done too like laundry and cleaned my house. I guess we can't be kids all the time, eh?  Today I'm parking my Jeep because as a broke college student, I can't afford to keep it running. Partly cuz of gas prices and partly cuz of insurance. I'm going to miss my independence. I can take the bus as much as I want though, which isn't really independence. No really, when you have to wait a half hour for a bus and so if you want to run errands they take you twice or even three times as long to complete. I don't really have anything to say today. Which isn't really different from any other day..  SO... happy extra day off ...

today is my last day at my current job .. and I'm writing this post FROM my work computer on my lunch break.... cuz I'm SUPER excited. My wonderful, awesome, amazing, lovely coworkers got me a KINDLE as my going away present! How awesome is that?! I've wanted one of these for over a year now, and was actually going to put it on my Christmas list (sorry SO, you're going to have to buy me something else now). *super mega awesome happy dance* I just wanted to share with the world! oh.. and it's FRIDAY YO! THINGS I LOVE FRIDAYS! This Friday I LOOOOOOVE.......... my new KINDLE - of COURSE this would be on my list today. I can't wait to load it up with awesome books and read them on the bus on my hour and a half bus ride to school and then again on the hour and a half bus ride home. I think after I register my new kindle tonight, I'm going to be shopping for a new case and also buying Amazon credit to spend on yumm...

Vagina seems to be a common topic in some of the blogs that I read and so for some reason now, I've got vagina on the brain. I guess there could be worse things to have in your brain... except if I were a lesbian. Then I guess vagina on the brain is just an every day occurrence. Or maybe it's not. Are lesbians obsessed with vagina like straight men are obsessed with vagina? Next time I talk to my lesbian friends, I'm going to ask them. google image results for vagina on the brain Anyhow... it's Thursday Tunes! This Thursday I'm going to share a tune that reminds me of a good time from my past that I shared with my family. It's only a week until the one year anniversary of my mums passing and I'm really missing her more than I can even put into words. This story makes me miss her so hardcore that I can barely stand it, and happy all at the same time. PS - this video is NSFW or probably your children... except all I could find was the censored version...