Tuesday, May 21

one is the loneliest number..........

one job ... that's all I have thus far. While on the surface, working four days a week for an hour seems like something out of fairy tales... (and it is).. it also means I have no money whatsoever...

being broke really fucking sucks, in case you weren't aware.

my one job is going really great... so at least there is that.

Also we got the house cleaned this past weekend .... actually took the ferret cage apart and power washed it... AND I power washed the back walkway and deck... I felt so grown up! Strangely... it was oddly relaxing. Anyone else experience this sense of calm and zen while power washing? (it might just be me)

Sadly that's the only bit of calm and zen I've been feeling.... I'm in a bit of a depression rut right now... feeling like I keep getting knocked down no matter what I do.. and that every decision I made is wrong. I'm afraid to make any decision anymore because I'm worried I'm going to make the wrong one. That's really how it's been for me for a long time. My answers typically are "I don't know" or "maybe" because committing to something is making a decision. The world is an endless void of hopelessness and loneliness... It's a dark room with no windows and every door feels like a trap.

I really want to watch a feel good movie ... like one from my childhood.... anyone else ever see that movie "Mr. Boogedy" ??? It's the tale of this guy...

a whole Tumblr account just for Mr. Boogedy

who (from what I remember) tries to suck up kids through a vacuum cleaner.... it was strangely awesome, hilarious and scary all at the same time (at least when I was 5)

I need to get this on DVD ...along with other feel good movies from when I was a kid. When times were easier and MUCH less complicated.

ahhh... c'est la vie. I think I'm going to go read some Game of Thrones... getting lost in another world sometimes helps relieve the darkness... if only temporarily.


  1. Sad but true fact: cleaning and cooking help me "zone out" and forget about the trouble and worries. ESPECIALLY chopping vegetables. Carrots are my favorite. I just always hope that I don't appear too violent while doing it.

  2. I can imagine getting the anger out while chopping veggies .... and the people around you being too afraid to stop you... lol

  3. Insomniac's DreamMay 27, 2013 at 4:27 AM

    Oddly enough vacuuming is my Zen. Maybe I should try sucking up some brats?

  4. hahaha... definitely would make it more zen after the fact.