Wednesday, August 22

what to do, what to do....

I blogged about my good and bad news a couple weeks ago ... and now, with only a week and a half left until school starts... I really need to seriously think about what I'm going to do.

As of yet, the bf has no serious job prospects ... and I have a few. I have one that I'd REALLY like to do ... which I did a couple years ago... working at a photo lab that does school photo's. It's temporary... I only work from Sept until Dec... I can wear jeans n stuff to work... AND I can work as many hours as I'd like.. which means for those three months I can make some good money. This will work out in a few ways... because not only will we be able to afford to live .... I might also be able to save up some $$ for school... which is always helpful.

The downside is .. of course.. that I'll be taking a semester off school... which puts of my graduation date even further.... I feel like I've been going to school FOREVER.. and I've been putting off having a baby until I'm done with school but if I keep putting off school... I'm NEVER going to have a baby.

I'm feeling really depressed and frustrated... and I don't know what to do... with my commute it's basically impossible to work and take a class or two .. and is that really helpful anyway.. it's still delaying the goal.

I'd really love some advice.... thoughts... jokes... anything at this point.

thanks all... xoxo

19 comments:

  1. Well...


    I went to George Mason University, graduated with a 3.7 GPA taking 15 credits a semester and worked 40 hours a week the entire time.


    Take that as you will. ;)

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  2. I really wish I could do that .... but my disability prevents me from taking a large course load... plus with sciences it's pretty much required that you'll have 30 hours of homework a week with just 3 classes.

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  3. If you have fallback options,then stay in school. Are loans available? Do you have family who can help if you're in a tight spot? If you don't have fallbacks, then I think you should look to what keeps your family safe. I remember that there's a child in the household, and that's a major reason for that answer. There's nothing that says you can't use that time to get ahead in studying. I can tell you that I've been where you are, and it can work out. It took me until I was 35 to finish my degree, and we waited until then to have kids. We have two beautiful kids now, and the career hasn't looked back. Hang in there, and I know you'll make it, because you're asking the right questions.

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  4. That's a toughie. I'm mostly a live for the now type of person because situations change so fast it's hard to plan ahead. The job seems like something you might like to do so there's not THAT much harm in taking it. Could you maybe be a part time student while working?

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  5. thanks for your advice and your story... it helps to know there are others who have gone the alternative path and it has worked out. Unfortunately there is no fall back.... if someone in the household (me or the bf) doesn't get a job, we won't have money for food, rent, etc. Since he hasn't found one yet, it's up to me.

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  6. I wish I could work and study.... but I get overwhelmed so easily.. the doctor recommended a lighter courseload... basically no more than 3 courses a term. I have to know my limitations.

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  7. Ok, that choice sucks. I know what it's like to feel like you're on a clock to have a baby... (although now I feel like I'm on the clock to have #2, so a lot of the heat's off, I'm really grateful to have G at least).

    I'm going to say this, and you're going to hate hearing it, but I think it's true. A semester isn't actually that long of a time. If I were you, I'd take the job which will make you happy, and get you feeling a bit more stable financially. I know that my depression is always at its worst when I fear for my safety (whether it be financially or emotionally), so I generally err on the side of stability.

    Also. You've currently made a decision to wait until after you've finished school to have a baby, but remember that decisions like that aren't set in stone. You may change your mind, you may not. But I think it's important to live for today, see what tomorrow brings, and then keep your plans or make new ones based on that. Sometimes what I've needed to do to move on is let go of all the "future" decisions and make the best decision for right now - the thing that is best for me in the moment. That isn't to say that I completely disregard possible future consequences of actions, but that I try to let go of that "map out my life" urge that can feel so restricting and hobbling.

    I wish you the best regardless. Shit like this is never easy. I know you'll feel so much better after you've made a decision though. :-)

    Hugs!

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  8. Hmmm, well I think it really comes down to is how you feel about it all and doing what you need to do to make you happy! As for the baby part, remember it will take at least one month to get pregnant and then 9 months to grow the baby ;) So that gives you at least 9 months to do school and/or work.... and then 6months to a year with baby (depending how you feel) and you can get back to School/work.... so list your pros and cons and go from there.... Do what makes you happy and everything will work out to your liking!

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  9. thanks Leeanne ... I always forget that it's not like i'm going to be incapacitated while I'm pregnant.. I can still go to school and stuff... lol

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  10. thanks for the advice... it really does help!


    I called the job and I think I'm going to go back there just for this semester... I can make some money and go back to school in term 2... I'm already registered for 2 courses.. though I'll need one more to be full time.

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  11. Well, you have a few different issues to deal with mid-term to long-term. But you have an immediate (short-term) need and the answer - as hard as it is - would be to take the employment. If you can squeeze a class or two in at the same time to save your self time down the line, great, but no, don't kill yourself to do it.


    You have some mid-term and long-term issues / questions to deal with, too.


    1) Do you want to support someone who isn't supporting himself? At the moment, your answer is yes. But you need to decide if you want to spend your money on you or on him, and if supporting him, financially, and the extra time it will take you to reach your goals is worthwhile. There are MANY MANY factors involved in a relationship, and I - and no-one else here - can answer that for you. But it is a question you want to actively answer - even if in the affirmative - rather than passively answer by ignoring it. And if not, then you have a lot of hard additional choices in front of you about how to change the situation.


    2) Is your timeline vis a vis school and kids going to work and is it realistic? I don't know the answer to the question - and again, no-one else here can answer that for you either - and frankly, depending on how you answer (for yourself) question 1, you may inadvertently answer 2, since without bf, having a kid raises other issues.


    I think you have invested enough, so far, into school that you won't abandon that altogether, which I sense is your fear. And even though I know as a student in your 30s, you are feeling old, you still have a lot of years in front of you. You do. And you seem to have a plan. A plan is good. But just as important as having a plan is also stepping back every once in awhile and evaluating whether it's working for you, whether you're working towards it, and whether or not it needs to be tweaked.


    Unfortunately, you have a short-term immediate need that answers the immediate question - job or no - yes, you take the job. But you need to not avoid the other questions that your post above (not all of which have I necessarily pulled / parsed out here) because they are questions that still will need to be answered. Not easy, I know.


    But you have lots of support around you! Feel free to lean on us. You know you can e-mail me, too (I'm not writing you 30-40 tweet DMs anymore!!) ;)

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  12. lmfao... I don't know if I have your email address.


    those are definitely great questions.... I think for question 1... he was supporting me the whole last year while I was in school... so it's not entirely unfair of me to support him for a little while now to give him time to find another job that can continue to support our family while I finish school.... :)

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  13. See, an example of lots of information that none of us (or some of us) may not have access to behind your choices. That's an excellent reason to choose "yes". I just wanted to make sure it was an active choice rather than one you felt forced into and hadn't actively chosen. Partnership and teamwork are key. Giving and taking and giving again. Sounds like a good decision to me! :)

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  14. theborgblog@gmail.com - There, now you have it! ;)

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  15. yeah... it's not like I'm supporting a bum loser who doesn't work.. haha... been there, done that. It's just a temporary setback in life.

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  16. Exactly. So work for a semester. Accrue as much as you can (financially) and re-assess at the beginning of the next semester when the job you are contemplating won't need you as much (if at all) either... Who knows what position you (and your bf) will be in at that point, and you really can't cross that bridge until you get there. So don't try to sabotage yourself at this point. It's a semester. (or is it a year because the courses are only offered in the fall, so it will put you back a year? That's a little harder, but still.. )

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  17. it's only a semester... I am already registered for 3 courses in term 2 (starting in January).... the ones I'm not taking this fall I can take next fall.. :D

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  18. I am registered for 3 chem classes in winter... 302, 333, and 341 which are all chem electives that I have the pre-req's for... basically if I take off this fall I'll just be taking an extra year cuz i'll be doing the same fall classes next year. It's ok though... it's easier to work this fall... unfortunately we don't have any alternatives as far as finances go... food, rent, cars, etc... it's all stuff that the bf was normally paying for while I was in school... and so if I have to take a term off to pitch in.. well, that's just life.

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  19. Whatever you do, it will be the right thing for you!

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