Monday, October 29

blog fodder ftw

thanks to CrakGenius for giving me something to write about .. these days the ideas are flowing about as well as...well.. something that doesn't flow.

uhh... yeah.

Crak Genius gave me an award!

The Liebster Award
*happy dance*

though .. I'm not sure that I really deserve it.. cuz I haven't written anything of value in months... if I ever did.

but I'm going to accept the award as gracefully as I can (I think I already failed at that).. and play along.

SO ... here are the questions I was supposed to answer:

11 Questions For Awardees

Are you a grammar Nazi?(Spoiler: if you wanted to tell me that “awardees” isn’t a word… you are)
yes, yes I am... as you can tell from my incredibly grammatically accurate blog post.
but seriously.. I'm more of a spelling nazi and BASIC grammar nazi... like "your" vs "you're" ..or "it's" vs "its" ... mostly because it's NOT that fucking hard to read the sentence to yourself in your head using "it is" and tell if it sounds wrong or not. Unless you're a moron. Sorry to all the morons out there.
(I'm not sorry)

If you had to choose just one, Facebook or Twitter?
definitely twitter.. thanks to my bestie @maliciousmandy for introducing me to this all too addictive site. I love that I've met so many amazing people (like CrakGenius)

How long have you been blogging?
uhm... I think a little over a year. I don't know... I don't really consider myself a "blogger" ... just a person who writes shit on the internet and people read it occasionally.

What’s the worst search term which led someone to your blog?
I think it would have to be "from my cold dead vagina" ... I feel really sad for the person who typed that search term into google... and even more sad that I'm sure reading about me having conversations with my vagina did not help them at all.

What’s your most popular post and why?
According to my stats, "soft kitty, warm kitty" is my most popular, but that is clearly because of the title, not the subject matter.... 2nd on the list is "Coversations with my Vagina" of which I am very fucking proud of. It STILL makes me laugh. Why is it popular? because vagina's are funny.. (seriously, have you ever seen one?... not as funny as dick and balls, but funny nonetheless)

If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
definitely reading minds... but I'd like to be able to control it. Not just a constant stream of thoughts ala Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode where it drives her crazy. I just think it would be cool to always know what people were thinking.. to be able to tell when someone was lying to you or if someone was attracted to you.

What’s your favorite curse word and why?
most definitely fuck... it's just so fucking versatile.. you can fucking use it all the fucking time .. even multiple fucking times in a sentence and it doesn't seem out of place. It's a noun, adjective, verb... it's infuckingcredible..

What’s your porn star name?(First name is the name of your first pet, last name is the name of the street you grew up on… so mine was Caligula Mayflower… more like May DEflower… am I right?! Sorry. Moving on.)
ok.. but I'm going to warn you... it's quite possibly the most unsexy porn star name of all time. No joke... are you prepared? Snoopy Clovermeadow. Yes. Can you just imagine? watch Snoopy get doggy'ed .. ON the DOGHOUSE! ... so very wrong.

Do you have any tattoos? If so, how many?If not, would you ever get one?</b>
yes.. I currently have two and have plans for 3 (or so) more.. I really love tattoo's and believe they should all have a story. The story is almost as important as the subject matter or where it is, IMO.

Introvert or extrovert?
definitely an introvert who ACTS like an extrovert. Yes, it's possible. Shut up.

How did you meet your spouse / significant other?
online baby.... POF ftw.

ok... so now I have to tag others and give them questions. I don't know about 11 though, because I'm a lazy bastard... so let's see.

I tag....

The Borg Blog - she's witty, fun, funny and an awesome blogger and tweeter. If you haven't read her blog.. go over and give it a read... seriously.

My Life as Lucile - another fucking awesomely funny blogger and twitter companion. Anyone who loves Lucy must be amazeballs.

Handflapper - though she tries to tell me she's an old woman... I really have a hard time believing her... she has a young soul and a young heart.

Mayor Gia - because she's a MAYOR... and I'd LOVE to see her animated answers!
Stephani - she writes a fucking rad blog called "how many frogs" and she also wrote a fucking BOOK... yeah.. that's right. Recognize.
and now for the question portion of tonights show....

1. If you had the choice to know when you were going to die or not to know, what would you choose?

2. Favorite flavor of ice cream?

3. Panda or Rhino?

4. How many times a day do you swear? ..and if you don't swear... then wtf is wrong with you?

5. If you could change one thing about yourself.. be it something about your personality or a part of your body... what would it be?

6. Favorite movie?

7. Most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you.. or most embarrassing thing you've ever witnessed (if you're too chickenshit to share about yourself)

8. If you could be any kind of animal, mineral or vegetable on the planet (or any other planet).. what would you be?

ok.. 8 it is... because I'm fucking tired.

Thanks again to CrakGenius for being awesomesauce!

Sunday, October 21

how thongs are ruining the economy

the other day I was listening to the radio on my drive into work ... and I heard about Christina Aguilera on Chelsea Handler's show "Chelsea Lately" ...I don't really like either of them so I kind of tuned out.. until I heard this..

yes.. that's right.. Christina doesn't wear underwear.

I'll give you a minute to let that sink in.

Are you sufficiently disgusted yet?

OK ... moving on. So I was thinking about it ... and I wondered who else likes to go commando. Are there many of them out there? Could she be the girl sitting next to you on the train? Do they really enjoy the uncomfortable seam in their skinny jeans?

I started thinking about the right underwear to wear ... because there is a right and wrong here. I have very logical reasons... and this is my analysis.

I can't see this image without thinking of the League of Funny Bitches Podcast.. thanks Noa

Going commando... though "free" as it might be is just a yeast infection waiting to happen. Think about it. Tight jeans, rubbing... it's just all kinds of wrong. Plus.. anything that Christina Aguilera does has clearly got to be in the WRONG category.. So pantiless is out.

this made me laugh SO hard

Thongs.. while they are sexy and usually come in lacy varieties... are ruining our economy. Think about it. You pay the SAME price as regular panties but for LESS fabric. I'm sure while wearing them you feel uncomfortable and in need of more support to you go out to buy more panties and in turn are spending TWICE as much as a regular person who just wears regular underwear. It's going to become the downfall of our society... I'm telling you right now.

no one looks this good wearing bikini underwear, I assure you.

Bikini underwear MAY seem like the right choice here... but there's a fine line. That's right .. the bikini line... if you don't get the right size for these puppies .. you will look like you're being tied up like they do to chickens to keep them all together. Do you want to be a spring chicken? I didn't think so.

see? cute on everyone!

Boyshorts are clearly the right choice in this discussion... and not because you get the most fabric for your money so they are obviously the financial choice... but also because they are comfortable, sexy and what I wear on a regular basis.... and I'm always right.

I hope this was educational for everyone!

OH.. and if you want to laugh so hard you almost pee and have to run awkwardly to the bathroom at work while everyone gives you questioning looks... you should check out the League of Funny Bitches Podcasts... unless you already have, in which case.. you have chosen correctly.