Tuesday, November 22

I have a superhero in my pants.


Welcome to this weeks…  I put some words together that hopefully make sense and are remotely funny. Tonight I am talking vagina.

Now boys.. you don’t have to turn away.. don’t close the window… you could learn something.

Probably not, but read anyway. And comment.. I love comments. They make me all squishy and happy and want to run around my house in my pjs high fiving the air and yelling “they love me, they really, really love me”
/Jim Carrey moment.

Back to the topic at hand…

You ever thought about how much power you can wield with your vagina? And no I don’t mean like lifting heavy objects with it like it’s a crane. That would just be weird. Although I’m sure there is a guy out there somewhere reading this going.. “mmmmmmmmmmmm.. crane vagina”

And now I’m creeped out.

Back on topic… again.

Vagina Power. What does it mean? What does it stand for? How does it work?


Here are some examples.



you like a guy and you’re pretty sure he wants to get it on with you. How do you extend the dating so you can get to know him better?

BAM! Vagina Power.


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you’re married (or just in a relationship, I’m not judgy) and your significant other wants to have a baby and you don’t… how do you make sure that you get your way?

POW! Vagina Power.


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You want to act like a scary ass bitch to get the last pumpkin pie on the shelf because you just can’t have a complete thanksgiving dinner without pumpkin pie and you’re completely inept at baking so you have to buy one premade?

BOOM! Vagina Power.


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Now you’re probably wondering how this all happens. Or maybe you don’t. Maybe you have vagina power already and you’re all, “bah, I’ve been doing this shit for years”

But for those readers out there who haven’t yet harnessed the power of their vagina.. this could be vital information. This could be bigger than the slap-chop.


Ok, so now you want to know how it works?


If a boy likes you.. it’s pretty much a guarantee that he wants to get it on with you. Boys are simple like that. They are thinking about getting on pretty much every quarter of a second of every day. It’s just how it is. They’ve probably already pictured your vagina.

Dirty, dirty boys.

You can use this to your advantage. It can go one of two ways… either you give it up and you’re so fucking amazing at the sideways bed party that he just can’t help himself but come back for more…. Which you can use to keep getting to know him and learning whether he’s a worth your time decent guy or a complete and totally douchewat who doesn't deserve your coveted vagina skills. Only problem with this method is of course that you’ve already given up the vag before discovering his fucknugget ways and so that can be kind of shitty. The other method involves alluding to your fabulous bajigaddy bedroom skills instead of actually showing them off. Some guys may label this method as the “tease” method but they are just boys and should be completely ignored. They’re just mad they don’t have vagina power too.


Another example of vagina power is the power to decide when you want to spew out uterus inhabitants. Now most of you will probably say that this is your choice and you don’t need vagina power to do this. Well, yes.. it’s coming out of my body (with probably an obscene amount of pain, I might add) and so the choice should be mine when and if I have children. But some women feel the pressure of the SO to have babies … and some end up HAVING babies to save said relationships. But all you really have to do is exploit the power of your vagina and say NO .. I will NOT abuse my vagina for you. Your vagina will thank you.


The last example I have today (I do have other things to do)…

I lie… I’m sitting here in my pj’s being completely unproductive.


Back on topic take three.

So to use the power of the vagina to be mean and bitchy all you really have to due is adopt the attitude of your vagina once a month. It’s bitchy, it spews, ……..it’s clearly a raging psychopath. It’s kind of like Dexter when he’s angry. I’m sure if it had hands it would maim and kill at will. So why not channel that power and use it to your advantage whenever you want?

Last seat on the crowded bus.. RAGE VAGINA!

Husband left his dirty undies on the floor of the bathroom again… RAMPAGE VAGINA!

Teacher gave you a shitty mark when you clearly deserved an A cuz you’re fucking brilliant… TANTRUM VAGINA!




proof of my vagina power.... I went as "Super Pussy" for Halloween one year.. mostly because I was too lazy to don a costume I'm awesome.

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Disclaimer: any of these examples don’t involve you physicallywhipping out the vajay while yelling “Vagina Power” … while I imagine it would be hilarious to witness.. I also suspect that it’s quite illegal and you might end up with your pooter on some camera phone footage on the internet going viral as the crazy Vagina Power lady. Then again… if that’s how you want to seek your 15 minutes of fame… let the vagina flag fly!

11 comments:

  1. Okay I was already in love with this post- best vagina mascot ever! - but then you mentioned Dexter. Dexter and vagina. Together. In one post. I can die happy now.

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  2. The more you write, the more I'm convinced that the name of this blog refers to someone's ladyparts..

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  3. I'm really not certain how this power manifests itself. . . like, for rage vagina, do you drop trou on the bus and it yells or something? How does rage vagina differ significantly from bitchy woman? I mean, obviously AS a bitchy woman, you have a vagina, but. . . I'm not understanding the power. Do laser beams shoot out of it? Because honestly, if they don't, it's a pretty lame power.

    PEEN power, on the other hand. . . you know. . . stuff shoots out.

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  4. @The Sarcasm Goddess... thanks so much.. I effing LOVE Dexter.

    @Gia .. I swear it's just a bizarre coincidence... Vaginas just seem to be the thing right now.

    @Jim... that was so dirty and yet so funny.

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  5. Whoa there, Jim!

    He doesn't get it cuz he doesn't have one.

    Always fun to read a post all about the vagina. Seriously completes me. (Not really, but I'm trying.)

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  6. I think GIA said it best above.
    Also, the drawings? Disturbingly hilarious.

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  7. "sideways bed party" - awesome description :). I can happily say I was there for that Halloween :) and I think I have a similar pic of you with your "costume." Ahh - good times :).
    I mostly read blogs at work and I had to quickly scroll through your pics today . . . although the cartoon nature helped in non-detection of passersby.
    I completely get the power, so much so that I have had discussions with the hubby about my specific power and the power in general (although he thinks there's peen power too LOL - silly boys).

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  8. Women these days...so much more obsessed with their genitals than men EVER were with their penises, even before it became uncool to do so.

    That being said, I have already pictured ALL of your vaginas. It's why we men cannot multitask. Too much vagina on the mind, 24/7. Be happy for that. Be happy you can get it any time you want.

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  9. HAHAHAHAH you said "pooter". Do you know there's a hospital somewhere out there named Poudre (pronounced just like "pooter") Valley? They're one of my customers. I can't say their name without dissolving into juvenile giggles for at least 15 minutes. At this point I refer to them as PVH because otherwise I might lose my job.

    Heh. Pooter.

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  10. as i was reading this, i was hearing the slogan from that commercial "behold the power of cheese." but cheese was replaced with vagina and then it was even funnier. then i pictured you in your superwoman thong wearing a shirt that said "beware - my vagina is feeling ragey." and then i realized that it was a little bit awkward for me to be picturing your thong & your vagina shirt, so i stopped and just commented instead.
    hi, nice to meet you, i'm sherilin. i'll be returning.

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  11. glad you all enjoyed my post so much... it really just came out of a five minute conversation with a girl from school....

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