Thursday, October 27

the people of Vogue may love you ..but everyone else thinks you look ridiculous

First off... I know I’ve been really sporadic with my posts and also I haven’t kept up with my Thursday Tunes or Things I Love Fridays…. You may not have noticed if you actually have a life... but whatever. I’ve been super busy with school, stress, family and a little bit of everything else. Plus I think chemistry has sucked out all my brain power, leaving barely enough left to form coherent thought let alone write a blog post.

I have been posting on the Silent Sundays but that’s only because it doesn’t require a lot of effort other than linking the picture from my flickr account and writing a sentence or two about it.

YAY for low amount of effort!

Anyhow… onto today’s subject……… FASHION!

Now I am going to preface this post by saying that I really don’t know SHIT about fashion. My daily routine consists of a pair of flared dark wash jeans, white puma’s, a tank top (various colors for variety) and a yoga hoodie. Occasionally I switch it up with a collegiate sweater…. Or possibly a big fluffy hoodie sweater. In the winter I add on a range of colorful fluffy, warm scarves and a fluffy hooded jacket that kind of makes me look like an ewok if I put the hood over my head. (of which I never do for that exact reason). Basically what I’m saying is that I choose comfort over fashion and my closet consists of mostly cotton poly blend materials and I own more flip flops than high heels.

That being said… I still know bad fashion when I see it… and I see it every.damn.day. Curse the fucking transit travel… or bless it because it inspired this post… flip the coin any way you like.

SO………. Without further ado…. The first edition (and possibly only cuz I’m lazy like that… and I’ll probably forget about this post 5 minutes after I hit post due to my brain damaged memory) of…

STUPID FASHION TRENDS!


Hair.. there are many things you can do fashion-wise with your hair… the following are not one of them.

Feathers – I know why birds have feathers… well, wait.. I’m not in biology so no, I don’t.. but I’m assuming there is a good reason for them… otherwise why would they have evolved like that. With that, I can say damn sure there is NO reason to put them in your hair. You… yes you.. it looks like you have a dead baby bird on your head.. what kind of fashion statement is that, exactly?


editorial fashion = ok, everyday wear = I will laugh when a cat attacks your head




Scrunchies – any child of the 80s has owned one (or more), wore one (or more) and subsequently thrown one (or more) in the trash the second they realized that these things are horrible, horrible contraptions. They do NOTHING to hold your hair in place… and they aren’t attractive in the least. No, adding jewels, fur or anything else to them does not make them any more attractive. The only escape clause in this is if you are under the age of 10.. those girls are allowed to wear scrunchies.


there's a reason some fashions die.





this is an example of an age appropriate scrunchie wearer.






Shoes.. functional fashion… these are neither.

Uggs – I know I’m going to catch some crap with this cuz SO many people have caught the ugg fever.. but I just don’t get it… I mean, I get the functionality as they are boots and they probably keep out water and do all the things that boots are supposed to do. But I just don’t get the attraction to wearing something on your feet that make them look like giant troll clubs. I have yet to see a girl wearing uggs look even remotely sexy or probably fashiony. Also, I’m not going to reveal my sources, but I know lots of guys who all say that uggs are the worst thing to happen to women’s fashion since the padded bra.


am I the only one who sees the ugly in uggs?




Super-high stilettos – Stiletto’s are cute… and I own a pair.. but when the angle of the stiletto is so super high you can barely walk and/or stand without holding on for dear life… there’s something wrong. OH… and what the fuck happened to women teaching their daughters how to walk in heels? I know when I was younger before I was allowed to wear heels my mum made me walk in them long enough to be able to walk properly. Hint: walking properly does not include clomping along heel and toe at the same time like an ogre. Heel, toe, heel, toe, heel toe… there’s a reason this saying was invented.


I know it's an extreme example, but it's not that far off from what I've seen in the city




Crocs – these are along the same line as uggs for me… I’m not sure why people would want to strap colorful pieces of rubber with multiple holes to their feet and who the hell even decided that those were shoes anyway? I do understand that nurses say they are the best thing ever, but I’ve also heard from some people that they are HORRIBLE for your feet and spine AND I’m sure even WITH the holes your feet must sweat like a 500lb man’s ballsac after a workout. (that’s some smelly sweat dude).


just because it has air holes does NOT mean your feet can breathe.






Pants… they should be flattering to the figure and possibly comfortable… I have a feeling this criteria is not being met.

Jeggings – the name alone makes me roll my eyes… leggings, fine… I have resigned to the fact that these are a necessary evil… but to take leggings and make them look like jeans… why don’t you just find a properly fitting pair of jeans and wear those. I wear jeans pretty much exclusively and they are fucking comfortable… probably cuz I wear the size that best fits me (even if it makes me cry every time I look at the size) and damn my ass looks hot in them .. cuz jeans have the weight of material to pull and lift and make even the fattest of asses look like ass gold.


how can you NOT laugh at people wearing these?




Skinny jeans – again, I’ve pretty much resigned to the fact that these exist and on most women actually look really good…. But I just have such an inherent loathing for these… and I’m not going to say that it has something to do with the fact that I can’t wear them.


if we all looked like this, then maybe I would like them.








So there you have it people. Just some general rules for fashion brought to you by probably the most fashion inept person on the planet… you’re welcome.

OH.. and a couple more stupid fashion trends (or just stupid people, take your pick) that I've only seen once (thank god) but once was enough and so they are worth mentioning, if only so as to raise awareness.



If you’re wearing a scarf, toque, gloves and winter jacket…. Wearing flip flops makes you look like a jackass.


for the women who think frostbite is sexy




If you’re wearing shorts that come to just below your knee (almost capris) and calf high furry boots to keep the bottom of your legs warm.. you should probably just wear pants that fall all the way to your feet.


this was actually a fashion DON'T




If your hair is styled 3” above your head and doesn’t move when a breeze hits it, you probably just killed your own section of the ozone layer with your hairspray.. thanks for ruining the world even more douchenozzle.


there's a reason they make peoples hair stand up when they are scared!






Hope everyone has a great weekend!



and sidenote: all my pictures are found on google image search

13 comments:

  1. I'm so with you on jeggings. They frighten and anger me. Unless they're on a child 6 or under. Little kids can get away with all sorts of fashion faux pas, like jeggings or overalls or, yes, scrunchies. Do they even make scrunchies anymore? Or is every one wearing vintage scrunchies from their local thrift shop? Either way, some things should just not come back into style.

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  2. Well, we all know my opinion on jegging material - but YO, ugg's hate? Those things are SO comfortable.

    DISCLAIMER: I snowboard, so as soon as you get out of those boots you want to put on warm boots that don't FEEL like boots. UGGS win.

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  3. I am guilty of owning a pair of UGG's. . .umm, maybe two pair. . .okay, damn it THREE! But Crocs? Oh, HELL to the no! I would rather give myself a hysterectomy with a plastic spork than wear plastic shoes.

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  4. I just had to let you know - I agree on ALL counts! Plus, if I didn't have to dress up a little for work (which I do for personal professional reasons because we don't actually have a dress code)- I would wear jeans, tanktops (I LOVE tanktops), and hoodies (I have an abnormal love of hoodies).
    I never thought I had any type of fashion sense at all, but watching Project Runway and drawing my own fashions really showed me that I actually did know something about what goes on in that strange industry.

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  5. Man. I agree with everything you said. Except I own and use Crocs. Only because they have these special crocs for my feet and I don't care, I know I'm a dork but I will always wear them and my feet smell like my dad's feet when I wear them and I still don't care.

    And have a nice Halloween!

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  6. Wait, scrunchies are back?! I hadn't heard! Finally, 3rd grade me is cool again!

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  7. My daughter has Uggs (not real ones, i'm not a moron) and feathers in her hair from a kid's birthday party in a salon. She looks AWESOME!

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  8. HAHA I think I break all the rules! I am (as I type this) wearing uggs and leggings, but uggs are warm and I was cold. I only think they are ok in places where it gets cold, if you live in LA there is no reason at all to wear them. At or below freezing? Then they are ok.

    I also own many pairs of crocs, but none of them are the clogs. I love their flip flops and "normal shoes but with rubber on the bottoms: shoes.

    I do think though that if it is cold enough for a scarf, it is too cold for flip flops.

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  9. I HATE Crocs! and three quarter length trousers with boots is so wrong! I love how you are so open and honest on your blog! x carrie

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  10. haha.. thanks for all the comments everyone!

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  11. This made me laugh hysterically - awesome!! And I agree with every one of your points. I was in San Diego a few months ago for a conference and could hardly refrain from laughing in the face of some young women who were clumping along in tank tops, shorts and giant hideous ugg-like boots. WTF? What does not belong here? In Canada we wear boots on our feet when it's cold. Like too cold for tank tops and shorts. It was bizarre, it really was.

    Not that this is the land of fashion paradise, although thank God the croc insanity seems to be dying out. It is possible to be comfortable without looking like a troll, as you so eloquently put it!

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  12. by the way...visiting from FTLOB :)

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  13. UGGS and Crocs are the devil. I went to a great friend's wedding a few months ago. She didn't mention it to me until after she had walked the aisle, but she wore white Crocs under her wedding dress. If I didn't love her so much, I'd have pushed her down stairs as punishment.

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