Tuesday, October 18

damn......... I'm fucked.

So…. It’s Tuesday and that means it’s…………..

brought to you by Motherhood Truth!

For this week’s zombie discussion, I’d like to get real about zombie’s and the approaching zombie apocalypse. Ask yourself this… do you realistically see yourself surviving? Forget all your ass kicking fantasies and everything you have learned from zombie movies.  Cuz I’m gonna break it down for you in regards to my chances for survival …and how if things were to go AWOL right now… I don’t know that I’d survive.

I was thinking about this on the bus this morning, as I pondered whether the rider in the seat in front of me was a zombie........... Hey… it’s not my fault… he had red rimmed eyes and every time he looked my way, he had this glassy “haunted” look about him….. and yes I realize it was 6:15 in the morning and it’s quite possible to explain this phenomenon by lack of sleep and coffee… but whatever… take that logic out of here.. he was a zombie, I know it!

Anyhow…. So I was thinking about what I would do when the time comes….for example.. what if tomorrow morning after I headed to school… something went down and people started turning into zombies.

First thing that went through my mind…. Is that I’m at a university with TONS of people…. A lot of those people are probably mad scientists… (not unlike myself) and we like to mess with chemicals n shit… so it’s quite plausible that if a zombie outbreak were to occur, it might very well occur on a college/university campus…. So right off the bat I’m thinking… damn I’m fucked.

Chance of survival: 50%

Though most universities these days ARE low on funding due to crappy economies and shit like that … so therefore probably don’t have the resources to be messing around with un-needed testing and whatnot .. so maybe I’m ok.

Chance of Survival: 75%

The second thought to go through my mind was … I’m in Vancouver .. a big fucking city with TONS OF FUCKING PEOPLE.. again I thought, shit I’m fucked… part of the problem lies in the fact that I take the bus/train to school and so I don’t have a quick way to exit the city without being in areas surrounded by tons of people which are just going to be breading grounds for hungry brain eating zombies as things get out of control…. Now it’s likely that I could get out of town before things got super bad.

First off,  the hordes of people trying to get out of the city will clog shit up causing the transit people to shut their shit down….I could probably steal a car, but being as I’m not a criminal ..despite having seen it a bazillion times on tv and movies.. I know full well I have NO clue how to break in and hotwire a car… so there goes that plan.

Chance of Survival: 50%

Second… I’m always the last fucking one to know when something is going on..

Sidenote:  twitter is actually helping in the latter due to people posting EVERY FUCKING THING on there… so the lesson here is if you don’t have a fucking twitter… get one. Now. You’ll thank me later when you’re not craving bone marrow and blood after shit hits the fan. Oh.. and follow me (cuz I’m rad)

Chance of Survival: 60%

OK… so now I’m stuck in Vancouver and my family and friends are all out in the valley where I live… my bf is going to go home and get his son when shit goes south ..and THEN come to get me… which I totally don’t blame him for… if we had kids together… him having the only car, I’d rather him get our kids and make sure they are safe before coming to rescue me. Only problem is… my survival rate is starting to dwindle.

Chance of Survival: 25%

My only hope would be to bunker down in some unknown room in the chemistry building (where I spend 99% of my time while on campus)…… sending a text to my bf before the cell service gets shut down  and pray that he survives and comes to get me after his son is safe and bunkered down in our place.. or somewhere we deem safe.

Which brings me to another point… we really have to start thinking about where we’re going to go.. we need to set up a zombie rendezvous point where all my family can meet up at in the early stages of the apocalypse to regroup and prepare for our next step. It has to be somewhere you can lock down pretty quick and have enough rations to last in case you aren’t able to get mobile as soon as you’d like. Being a realist.. I’m guessing it’s not as easy as it sounds.

Chance of Survival: 10%

The last part … being from Canada.. a “friendly” nation… we aren’t ingrained with the love for guns like you Americans…. And therefore I’ve only ever shot a gun a couple times… and other than being able to wield a bat in softball I’ve never used an actual weapon or been in a fight in my life… ever. Even against brainless flesh eaters, I’m guessing you’d need to have some kind of fighting or shooting skill to be able to survive.

Chance of Survival: 5%

You see where I’m going with this, eh?

Oh well…. I’m sure brains taste good once you get used to them… and there is something to be said for not having to think for yourself.

Maybe being a zombie isn’t so bad.

Then again…. I doubt zombies use twitter and enjoy a  #wineparty…. Fuck it, lifes not worth living… shoot me.


  1. Ok....sooo we will find a way to get you. I am just south of you in Washington. Lucky for you huh? Haha...this is great. I wonder how many people have REALLY thought about their chance of survival. Thank you for linking up!

  2. By the time your brain goes through all those scenarios, it'll be zombie buffet. Don't think about it. Just run really fast.

  3. yeah... I'm guessing all of this will go out the window when it actually happens.... fight or flight kicks in.

  4. lol Great post :) You should check out Anypocalypse - The Ladies' Guide to Surviving Anypocalypse; I think you'd like it. :)

  5. Dang, I think I need to stick with you if any zombie stuff starts going down. It's obvious you've done a lot more thinking about this than I have.

  6. I think that the Zombie revolution will definitely start in the United States (if an accident) or Africa (if engineered by the CIA). So you will definitely have a little time to react to the shit. And since you have some time to think about it, here's what I've always thought:

    Why not just train to run really fast? That's really all you need. You don't need to know how to shoot a gun, because you don't need to be Ms. Zombie Sniper, you just have to point and pull the trigger when they get real close.

    Me, I think I would prefer to use a chainsaw. You don't have to aim as much with those things.

    All in all, I think that Canada is a much better place to be than the United States. I'll bet you have more camping gear per capita, for one thing. And you have less people, which means less zombies. And also it's colder, so when it freezes, what happens to the zombies? They freeze, right? Ever see a zombie movie filmed in the winter time? No? You know why? Because zombies aren't warmblooded creatures. They'll turn into blocks of ice.

    Go North, Young Woman.

    That is All.

  7. The husband and I have realized that if anything does go down, we are truly fucked as the only survival skills we have are paying for people to do stuff for us.

    Although, if I could barter [other people's] human flesh for a free pass from the zombies, my survival rate would skyrocket.

    Now I must make my plans.

  8. There's one of those industrial grade paper cutters outside my office; essentially a small guillotine/machete combo. I have a wrench and I'm ready to remove the blade at a moment's notice so I have zombie beheading capability and hit the ground running.