Sunday, June 17

just so tired

I'm just so tired of fighting... it feels like every step in my life has been uphill. I just found out today that they aren't promoting me to 3rd year status because two of the classes I did in my term 1, were below 60% and I need to have completed 60% of my classes with a 60% standing.

If they need a 60% standing, then why don't they make the passing grade 60%? That makes sense, don't you think?

My term 1 was just a hellstorm.... most of you know cuz you were right here with me.. I was dealing with my mums suicide (still) ... and all the conditions I had before (anxiety, depression) were amplified because of my her passing as well as all the new stress I was under from school and life... It caused me to be physically ill before every test I took that term... and partly due to that is why I failed Ochem (which is why I'm taking it again this summer).. and why my other two classes that term are below 60% ... according to the doctor what I have is considered a disability.. which means it was not diagnosed that whole term... at least not until after it was too late to do anything that term.

...and now ... here I am ... working hard and getting good grades and STILL being punished.

just makes me feel completely hopeless.

THIS is the reason I have such bad anxiety.

THIS is the reason I don't want to leave the house sometimes.. and why I can't get out of bed sometimes. Cuz it feels like every time I've made a decision in my life it's gone horribly wrong... the bottom has fallen out.  Every goddamn time.

I don't know what to do .... I'm going to fight it to the best of my abilities. I'm going to stand up and say NO... I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be stuck for another year in year two. I DON'T need any more electives... I took 3 years of undergrad trying to figure out what I wanted to do so I took a bit of everything... there is NO year 2 chemistry classes that I need... ALL I need is 300/400 level electives... chem electives to be more specific.

I just want to cry.

I feel like a failure all the time... and these people are not helping that.



some good news... the teacher quick graded my last midterm on Friday and I was at a 90.5% ... it might go down as he does a more thorough grading .. but that`s ok... as long as I`m above 80% ..I`m happy. I`m at a 79% standing for the class and 83% standing for the lab.

Do you think I deserve to stay in year 2... I don`t.

9 comments:

  1. Hi, my name is Anna, and I am delurking for the first time.
    OK, so I clearly come from a different uni system. Down here (NZ) we just need to have passed all the appropriate pre-requisite classes for each higher level class we wish to take (eg having passed CHEM220 to take CHEM320).
    You definately don't deserve to have to stay in 2nd year if you have PASSED all the classes, regardless of whether it is with a 55%, or a 95%. If YOU think you are capable, and have the pre-reqs you need, then you should be able to take whatever classes you want. Particularly as I assume you are paying to be there?
    Off my hobby horse now.
    Good luck with fighting the system. You can do it!

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  2. I'm sorry to hear you're going through all this :( Hang in there.

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  3. You are amazing - this I know... you will get through this and look back on it with a giggle... it is tough now but you are doing so well in school and everything will conme together <3 xoxoxox

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  4. Okay, so everything is up hill, right? Who wants to be the person to say that they've defeated a puny little hill? Climb the freaking mountain. Cry along the way. Scream. Laugh like you are insane. You'll get there and it will be MAJESTIC. And if it isn't, you can come find me and open-handed slap me in the face.

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  5. thanks all for your uplifting comments.... I'm going to fight as hard as I can against this... because it's not fair.

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  6. Hang in there! And good luck! Any updates?

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    1. nothing yet ... I'm still waiting for the math department to contact me.

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  7. Hell no you don't deserve that! That sucks, hon. Sending positive thoughts your way!

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  8. FIGHT FIGHT WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT, DON'T GIVE UP! DO NOT LET THESE SO CALLED "KNOW-IT-ALLS" PUSH YOU. I GUARANTEE YOU WILL BE SITTING NEXT TO ME IN CHEM CLASS IN THE FALL JUST FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO EDUCATION!

    THESE BULLIES NEED TO BACK OFF! HOW DARE THERE, OMG I AM SO READY TO GET THE MEDIA UP THEIR ASS!

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