Wednesday, February 8

odd numbers make me stabby

Ok, I know I’ve been absent for the better part of a few months now. I wrote one blog in all of January and it was barely even funny. I really don’t have an excuse other than I’ve been working through my issues … I’m on medication now and it’s really helped, but I’ve been using all my creative juices for my creative writing class…. And the story I wrote (which I shared in my previous post) was one that was dear to my heart. It wasn’t the story of my life, but I did pull some details from my own memories. It was a hard journey to undertake and I’m still feeling the after effects. I’m hoping soon I’ll get back into my regular habit of blogging and reading (and commenting) other blogs…. Cuz I miss it!

So without further ado…. I was tagged by the wonderful and amazingly funny Sarcasm Goddess…. She asked me some hard questions and I’ve done my best to give you answers that are not only accurate but fucking bizarre as well... I want you to leave here scratching your head, in a good way.  I hope you enjoy!

1. What reality show would you most hate to be on?
Probably Jersey Shore, because that would mean that I would be lumped in with the people I most abhor in the world…. Even if it was because I was making fun of it, I’d still hate my name or person be linked to that show in any way, shape or form.

2. Would you rather have your spouse/significant other forget your birthday or buy you a dress that's three sizes too big?  Show your work.
I’d rather have them buy me a dress that is three sizes too big… cuz not only does that mean that the view he has of me is so wrong, I’d wonder if he was in fact thinking about me when he bought it… and if he wasn’t thinking about me then who was he thinking about? The obvious end result is that he is cheating on me with some fat ho and that’s even MORE insulting cuz if you’re going to cheat on me at least make it someone smaller than me so I can whoop her skanky ass back to the trailer park she came from!
OH.. I forgot to show my work.
A = dress that is three sizes too big
B = the girl he was thinking about
x = how many times they’ve done it so he knows her dress size accurately
C = the number people I’m going to need to help me bury the two bodies

A + Bx = C

3. Where do unicorns get their magic?
From their horns, obviously…. But now that I’m thinking about that it seems kind of phallic. And does that also mean that men are magic cuz they also have horns? But does that ALSO mean that women DON’T have magic because they don’t have a phallic appendage? That seems very sexist, unicorns! Then again, I’m possibly overthinking this and why am I even thinking about unicorn horn as a phallic symbol anyway…. maybe it’s their silver blood like in Harry Potter.. that was a really disturbing scene though and I remember it scared the kids.

4. What dessert best describes you?
It has to be something sweet and yet tart.. cuz I’m sweet but when you least expect it, BAM … all tart up in your mouth. So I guess I’d have to be key lime cheesecake… a little sweet, a little tart and green (cuz that’s my favorite colour)… I have a hard crust and if you over bake me I taste like crap (I’m not sure how that relates to real life, but oh well)

5. Where do you fall on the paranoia scale: One being totally not paranoid, and Ten being they're out to get me!  Explain.
I don’t think I’m a 10, but I’m definitely paranoid on some levels because there’s a reason I won’t leave my crockpot on during the day even though the chances of it catching fire and burning my house down are realistically very miniscule but yet I still don’t do it cuz I’m paranoid that it will catch fire and burn my house down. I’m also assuming that every time someone laughs on the bus that they must be laughing at me and I immediately panic and think there must be something on my face.  I don’t know if the latter is a normal amount of paranoia but then again, what’s normal anyway? I’m guessing I’m probably an 8.

6. Salty or sweet?  I'm talking food, obviously.  But I suppose you can answer that any way you see fit.
SWEEEEEEEET… I eat a little bit of chocolate every day. I was eating chocolate while doing this.

7. If a train leaves Boston at 6 a.m. going 100 miles per hour and another train leaves Chicago at 11:00 a.m. going 250 miles per hour at what time will the bacon be most delicious?
The bacon will be the most delicious ALL the time…. Though I don’t know if I want to be riding a train going 250 mph .. that seems dangerous. Although I don’t think it detracts from the deliciousness of the bacon… unless you’re too scared to EAT the bacon cuz you’re going eight bazillion miles an hour… hmmm… but how long does it take to get the train up to that speed? If it takes some time you might be able to eat the bacon before going too fast.. (I think I’m overthinking the question)

8. What modern convenience would cause you so sit in the corner and eat your hair if you had to go without it for the rest of your life?
Probably the internet … it does so many great things. It’s a source of information for school, a social network, and who could forget about funny cat video’s?!!

9. What is your least favorite word?
Juicy… I don’t know why but that word just rubs me the wrong way.

10. Which is creepier, a teletubby or a furby?
Definitely a teletubby…. I grew up in the furby era and they didn’t seem that bad then but teletubbies are just wrong. Not only do they have weird televisions on their stomach but the baby in the sun gives me the fucking heeby jeebies!

11. What makes your blog awesome sausage?
Probably the fact that I have conversations with my vagina and my cats ..not at the same time, of course.…. but who knew that vagina could have so much attitude?

Now I get to tag 11 others and ask them 11 questions. Except it’s me and I have some really weird thing about odd numbers and they kind of make me go a little crazy. The first thing I thought after Sarcasm Goddess tweeted that I was in her blog post was “YAY me.. people actually know I exist!” .. and then I saw the number 11 and freaked out a little… but I consulted with Sarcasm Goddess and she informed me it’s quite ok to just make it 10 questions and 10 people… I’m going to rely on her catacomb of wisdom cuz she knows all about stuff like bacon and vaginas.. so 10 it is! That way I don’t have a panic attack writing this blog by seeing the number 11 over and over again.

Before we get to the questions and the tagged, here are the rules:

  • You must post these rules.
  • Each person must post 11 things about herself on their blog. (or 10, or 12 or whatever number you are most comfortable with)
  • Answer the questions the “tagger” listed for you in her post, and create 11 (again, I think this is all up to interpretation) new questions for the people you tag to answer.
  • Choose 11 (or ten if the odd number 11 makes you feel stabby inside) people to tag and link to them in the post.
  • Let each blogger know that you have tagged them.

 I am tagging:

  1. Crazy.Beautiful.Life
  2. Satan Goes To Sing Sing
  3. Tales of a Hockey Wife
  4. "Jen" e sais quoi
  5. Angie Uncovered
  6. Snappy Surprise
  7. Thoughts From My Inner Diva Dragon
  8. I'm Not Writing A Novel
  9. I'm just a girl & I've had it up to here
  10. Just a Lil Blog

Now for the 10 questions my taggee’s have to answer…

*insert evil laugh here*

  1. If you had the choice to know when you were going to die or not to know, what would you choose?
  2. What is the one food you could not live without eating ever again?
  3. Where is the one place you most want to visit on the planet and why?
  4. How many times a day do you say a swear word?
  5. What is the most absurd phobia you have and why?
  6. If all A’s are B’s. Not B, therefore not A. How does this relate to the greatness of cheese?
  7. If you could go back in time and undo one event, what would it be and why?
  8. A frat boy, a cougar and a priest all walk into a bar. Which do you make fun of first?
  9. Fried or deep fried?
  10. Who are some blogs you would recommend we read cuz you think they are hilarious/awesome/inspiring/etc?

There you have it folks… I hope you had as much fun as I did… and I look forward to all your responses. Remember that I love you all and you are all beautiful!

I'm going to leave you with this image cuz I had it stuck in my head with the song for the past three hours.. so you're welcome!



  1. OMG I loling all over the place. You did the most awesome job of answering. I don't leave my crockpot on either when I leave the house and if people are laughing I always assume it's at me. When you showed your work on number 2 I actually said, "that's awesome" out loud. You rock!!

  2. YES! They really do have attitude!
    And I have a seriously weird OCD with odd numbers as well - they suck.

    Cheers :) x

  3. Oh dear. . . you. . . you TAGGED ME??? A pox on your house!!

  4. The toughest part might be tagging 11 people in my blog - sorry, I like the number 11 :). Great post!