it's NOT Friday yet

for once, I’m grateful it’s NOT Friday.. and that’s because I’m on reading break. Friday means it’s almost over... and I’m not ready for it to be over.

I was laying in bed this morning, enjoying the serenity of quiet and wonderfulness... realizing that next week I’d be back to getting up at 5am and spending 5 hours a day on transit... dealing with labs, lab reports, homework and exams.

I love it, and I hate it. I think that’s the general mantra of all students.

Yesterday I went on a tour of an analytical lab that I could potentially work at.. it’s energizing, people... the work I could be doing... I’m SO excited.. like for reals excited. Like a job where I could actually ENJOY going to work every day. I’m sure this is what people are supposed to feel like when they go to college. This is what the world is supposed to be like.

and yet.... I still can’t help but wonder if I’m going to be able to “have it all” .. I won’t graduate for 2 more years.... by then I’ll be 34 (going on 35)... and I want to have babies.. and work.. and maybe get my masters...

ACK!!!

Is there time for all this?

Plus.. what if my grades aren’t good enough to get me a job..? The company talked about how good vs great grades aren’t that big of a deal, but bad grades matter. I had ONE bad term where I only got 50% on two of my classes and then failed a class.... what if that one term makes the difference of job vs not... and then what am I supposed to do? What good is a degree if you can’t get hired?

Why can’t I ever stop worrying and stressing about things that could/might happen in the future?

Why can’t I ever stop worrying and stressing in general?

I write this as I put off working on my essay assignment that is worth 10% of my grade.

fuck.